What Losing My Dad Taught Me About Grief and Work: A Personal Perspective

This week is #NationalGriefAwarenessWeek, launched by The Good Grief Trust to raise awareness about grief and its impact.

Imagine this: it’s September 2020, in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic. I’ve just finished my day at a new desk-based job.

Over dinner, my dad says, “I had my appointment today—I’m really sorry, but it’s not good news. I have cancer, and it’s terminal.”

After the initial shock, my first words were:

“What about work?” 

His response? “You’re going to work tomorrow, and so am I. I need to teach someone how to use my machine.”

Even after receiving devastating news, our focus was on work—a reflection of how much normality and structure the workplace can bring in difficult times.

Workplaces play a vital role in supporting employees through grief. Research by Dr. Lidiia Pletneva of LSE highlights that the workplace can act as a refuge during grief, offering familiarity and social support.

But managers and organisations often feel unsure how best to support grieving employees, which can lead to challenges for individuals and teams alike.

Grief Can Begin Before Loss

Grief doesn’t always start with bereavement. My own journey with grief began not long after hearing my dad’s diagnosis. Life became a whirlwind of driving to and from chemotherapy appointments, visits from MacMillan nurses, becoming a carer and eventually, bereavement. It became a time of anticipatory grief, whilst grieving my old life and the lives of those around me.

Acknowledging grief as an ongoing process—and engaging in open, honest conversations with employees—can foster a more compassionate approach. Ask how you can support them. Let them set the pace, and remember that grief can take many forms, long before and after the loss.

Support, Not Systems

CIPD research reveals that most organisations offer just 3–5 days of bereavement leave, with 14% offering only 1–2 days. But grief doesn’t always fit neatly into rigid policies. Those experiencing grief don't always feel mentally healthy at work, no matter how long it's been since their loss.

Some people may need more time away, while others may find comfort in returning to work. The same grieving employee might have days when they feel productive and others when they need to take a step back.

It is important to maintain consistency in implementing bereavement and carers policies but never at the expense of flexibility. Offering flexible hours and giving employees autonomy over how they use their time is vital. This gives space for human emotion and employees time to regulate their nervous systems in times of grief and loss. 

Policies should also be culturally competent and reflect the diverse ways people experience grief. Often, different cultures grieve in different ways, over varying timeframes. Including employee voices when designing policies—perhaps through focus groups—can help ensure that bereavement policies are inclusive,  human-centred and trusted.

Grief and Burnout

From 2020–2022, I was navigating life as a carer, grieving the loss of my dad and the life we once had. Although I was celebrated by those around me for “powering through” by still going to work, I was completely exhausted.

Like me, many employees turn to their workplace as a sense of normality, continuing to perform in their roles despite the invisible weight that they carry. While this can offer a sense of normality, it’s also a fast track to burnout.

I have recently realised that the familiarity and sense of safety that I felt with work didn’t take away from the fact that my life would never be the same ‘normal’ again. Instead, it had become a way to escape my new normal.

As a manager, noticing early signs of grief-driven burnout is crucial. If an employee seems to be working longer hours or overcommitting, have a sensitive conversation.

Encourage breaks, adjust workloads, or offer flexible working arrangements.

Signposting to Employee Assistance Programmes or external grief support services, such as those offered by The Good Grief Trust, can also provide valuable support.

A Compassionate Approach

Grief is deeply personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But by acknowledging its complexity, fostering open dialogue, and prioritising flexible and compassionate approaches, you can help grieving employees find their way.

By supporting them during these difficult times, organisations not only promote wellbeing but also build stronger, more resilient teams for the future.

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